This is the stuff

My mom called me yesterday and left me a message on my phone telling me that she just listened to a song that reminded her of me. :) lol. Of course I had to check it out. I absolutely love it. I've been getting really into Christian music and taking time in the morning on my drive to work to pray and worship. :) This song can be added to the list and I love it. :) It really is a good descriptor of my life..I mean the other day I forgot to put one contact in the other eye, I've rearended someone on the way to take my GRE test, I'm always getting lost, and I swear my life is mostly chaos the majority of the time. Due to the fact that I'm spacy, somewhat disorganized, and always daydreaming. Oh well :)

Here is the song:

"This is the Stuff"
By Francesca Battistelli

I lost my keys in the great unknown
And call me please 'Cuz I can't find my phone

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

45 in a 35
Sirens and fines while I'm running behind
Whoa

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

So break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world
Oh Oh Oh

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff
Someone save me
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
And I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

Oh Oh Oh Oh
This is the stuff You use

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVnAyD96G3A

Brains and success

For all of my life I was told what I should do. What the appropriate steps were in life and how to be the person you want to be and how to access all the material posessions you want in life. When I was little I remember my parents telling me over and over again "you have to go to college" and I also remember my Dad taking me school clothes shopping and saying "your tastes and interest in style will only be able to continue if you go to college and get a job." Over and over again I have been told what I need to do and the steps that MUST be taken for me to be successful in life.

But what is success exactly?

And why did I think that by doing all of these certain steps that I was doing the right thing for me?

Yes, I am sooooo happy I had supportive parents and people around me encouraging me to attend college. I am SO satisfied with my choice to go to a four year college and gain my Bachelor's degree in something that I found remarkable and intaeresting: Psychology.

The thing is...I have my degree, now what? The economy is not very accomodating to my needs and my knowledge feels almost fragile. I am paranoid and feel like I need to keep reading and keep studying or I will lose everything I gained. I don't want to lose all the hard work and the knowledge I have acquired. It's important to me.

I finally realized; I like to call it an "epiphone" so to speak, that I don't have to follow the next step in life. There is no "right" or "wrong" next step for me and I finally have the say in what I want to do, rather than mindlessly hopping into further education. I know I want to go back to school to gain a master's degree in Counseling, but what if that's not right for me right now?

I want to travel. I don't think there is anything wrong with this idea. I want to save up my money and travel through Europe and see the beautiful sights and people in this world. I don't want to cram my nose in anymore books, unless they are cultural or a guidance to the next place I will discover or travel.

Also another next step: marriage. I want to get married to Alex and I assumed this was the correct choice to make as soon as I finished college, but Alex and I both agreed that we should do more exploration and marriage and engagement will come in it's own sweet time, at the perfect time for us both.

I have been so stressed since I've been out of college about the fact that I am not doing anything with my degree or that I wasn't making a worthwhile impact in the world through my occupation.

You know what though? I worked at a Women's Shelter where I met tons of beautiful women and learned so much about the homeless population. I lived off of nothing as a result of my wages. Some would say I didn't gain that sense of "success" that alot of people would declare when focusing on the amount of money I was making.

I don't believe in right or wrong steps anymore in life. I believe in happiness and finding your calling and doing what you might need to do for right now until you find something you absolutely love and then when you do find that something going after it with all you can. There's my speil :D

So for now I'm working and searching for what's next and saving my money so I can travel and recreate and become my own influence on this world. :)