Yesterday as I was shopping online through Victoria's Secret, filtering through in search of the perfect bikini. I waded through the "add a million cups to your boob size tops" and "tiny little triangles top, that with one dive into the deep end would end up in a whole lot of never getting invited to the family lake parties again" to find a perfect coverage suit. Now don't confuse my need for a (somewhat)modest suit with being too modest for skinny dipping--that's almost always appropriate. Except maybe when you are hanging out with your boyfriend's conservative parents and sister for one of the first times on the beach near a lake and you have one too many PBR's that leads you to trying to convince the whole damn fam to go skinny dipping with you. I got off course...okay where was I? Ah, yes...the perfect bikini...I was searching for the perfect bikini due to a bad case of the winter blues, then one of my coworkers comes in and sits on my counselor couch.
Co-Worker: "Ohhhhh yeah! I already ordered my suit online. It's this cute bandeau with no straps." Me: "If only I could get away with wearing a rectangle piece of material over my boobs without any straps." Co-Worker: "Well, it helps if you don't have boobs." Co-Worker: "Ughhh so there is this girl in my class that is just so perfect. She's so beautiful and makes these adorable leather handbags and sells them on Etsy and has her own Etsy site."
...so it begins, Phase 1 of classic lady lust. Phase 1 starts with trying to find out the name of your lady lust, or it could be paying close attention to where she got that cute infinity scarf or where she takes yoga. Or maybe it's hearing that she just joined a co-ed basketball team and you decide to try and convince your closest friends to shoot some hoops. You may overhear her share her favorite place to grab appy's or maybe you hear that she's going to this fabulous concert downtown. Or maybe she's really hilarious and makes jokes about not shaving her legs or how she learned how to play the guitar last summer while being abroad. Then you start stealing some of her lines and cracking yourself up.
Phase 2
Co-Worker: "Yeah, wanna see her fb? I mean she's posing with a horse and everything. Who is that cute that they just have a cute horse sitting around to take photos with??? Oh yeah, and see this picture--? This was before her husband cut his hair and grew a beard...I've been trying to get my bf to do that." ::scrolls through profile pics:: Me: "Wow, she's cute"--(now entering phase one of girl lust, while intern rises to phase 2) Co-Worker: "Wait until you see her Etsy store...oh and she has this cool name __________(insert cool name) and I'm just like--'are you real with your cute little outfits and always perfect hair at school and here I am in my yoga pants and wet messy bun'" Me: ...officially entering Phase 2 by inoculation (starts following said Etsy store...asks about pricing)
Phase 3
This is usually followed by the one lusting tries to get enough courage to suggest grabbing coffee at the Rockwood bakery...or...did you hear that Snoop Dogg is playing at the Knit?
Phase 4
...many don't get to this point thankfully, but this is the point where you want to name your first baby girl after said Lady Lust...I could never see myself entering this phase... ;D
Lady Lusts of my life Exhibit A:
